Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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