Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
