I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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