why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
