NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
