4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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