she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
