That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
