i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
