he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
