im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
