I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
