I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
