if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my sisters under your porch take her home
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
