1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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