dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
A bitchslap is in order.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
