Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize