You surviving the open bar?
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i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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