shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
