So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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