But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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