It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
