I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
