I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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