Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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