I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
