well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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