Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
