I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
