This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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