the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
