Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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