This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
