Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
