Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
