Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
