she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
