I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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