I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
