he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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