I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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