There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
