hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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