Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
