Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
