Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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