My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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