i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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