I love black thongs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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