Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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