That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
