It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
