did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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