This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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