from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
