your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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