she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it because I queefed?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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