Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
