I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
