I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
