What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
