It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
