I'm gonna have a badass scar
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
