umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
