I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear