Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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