I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
