just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal