you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize