If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize