Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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