dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
