Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
