he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I could fuck to npr.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
