how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
