That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
