My ATM looks so different sober.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
