I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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