I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize