Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
