how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
