everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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