Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there was a trapeze. enough said
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
