The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
