He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
