piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
